


Sir Guy and the Creature from the Depths of Hell

by shinysparks



Category: Robin Hood (BBC 2006)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-03-09
Updated: 2009-03-09
Packaged: 2017-11-26 01:05:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/644839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinysparks/pseuds/shinysparks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even bad-ass Black Knights have phobias...muahahaha!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sir Guy and the Creature from the Depths of Hell

_Thud._

Sir Guy of Gisborne slashed his sword at the Creature furiously, missing by a mere inch as it hopped to the side. He raised his sword again, studying the Creature carefully.

_Thud. Hop._

He slashed again.

_Thud. Hop._

And again.

_Thud. Hop._

Guy sighed. **_Bugger_.**

He was certain the Creature had come from the Depths of Hell. It was hideous, evil-looking, and quite large. Its body was covered in short, wiry fuzz the color of the night sky, and had soulless, beady little eyes that stared back at Guy devilishly. Its mouth was adorned with nasty looking fangs, and it had more legs than Guy thought any creature upon the earth should have. It had invaded his home - his and Marian's very bedchamber - and for that, it deserved to be sent back to Hell where it obviously belonged.

As long as he didn't have to touch it in the process, of course.

The Creature made two quick leaps toward Guy. His blue eyes grew wide with terror, and all of the color drained out of his face. He backed up as swiftly as he could, but the Creature continued it's advance. Noticing a chair behind him, Guy quickly climbed onto it, staring down the Creature fearfully.

He decided to try once more. He swung his sword furiously toward the Creature.

_Thud._

_Hop._

**_ARGH!_ **

The Creature hopped again; however, this time, it had launched itself onto the leg of Guy's chair. It began to slowly meander up the chair leg, eyeing Guy evilly.

Guy had only one saving grace: make a leap for the bed. He peered down at the Creature once again. It was gaining ground on him. He took a deep breath. "One. Two. Three." He whispered.

_HOP! Squish._

His feet made contact with the edge of the bed; however, it was a bad jump. He was way off balance, and despite his efforts to steady himself, Guy fell directly on his arse.

_**WHUMP.** _

His sword flew out of his hands and landed all the way on the other side of the bed. He scrambled to reach it, but as soon as he hit the floor, the Creature had hopped off the chair leg, and was now moving toward him ferociously at a tremendous speed.

Suddenly, the entire village of Locksley was flooded with the shrieks of what sounded like a terrified little girl. It wouldn't have been so bad had such a shriek had actually _come_ from a terrified little girl. Desperately, Guy prayed that neither the Sheriff nor Hood were close enough to have heard. They would never let him live it down.

"What in the world is going on up here?!" Marian yelled as she yanked the bedchamber door open. She noticed Guy lying upon the floor, unceremoniously. "Guy? Are you okay?"  
"Never better." He told her, unconvinced.  
"I heard a lot of noises, and then it sounded as if one of the servant girls screamed." Marian told him, her face stricken with worry.

Guy stared up at the ceiling. "It wasn't that girly of a scream, woman." He thought to himself.

Suddenly, he felt a tickle on his neck. Guy gasped loudly, and froze. The Creature had made it's way up his neck, and began crawling over his cheek. Guy's eyes bugged out of his skull, his spine stiffened and all of the color drained out of his face. His breath quickened, and he started to hyperventilate. The Creature had him, and Guy was absolutely certain it would soon suck out his soul - or something equally painful and horrifying.

"Bernard! There you are!" Marian exclaimed happily.

Guy opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. Instead, he just stared at his wife incredulously.  
Marian knelt down beside Guy, and coaxed Bernard, the Creature from the Depths of Hell, off of Guy's face and into her hands. "Yes, you are such a naughty little spider, aren't you?"

"B...b...Bernard?! You named that thing?!" Guy finally spoke, stuttering slightly.  
"Of course, he's my pet. I found him in the forest. He's not a native spider. The poor thing must've gone through quite an ordeal to get here." Marian smiled sweetly at her pet, and then at her husband, who was still as a pale as a sheet. "Don't tell me you're afraid of spiders, Guy."

Guy sat up and stared at her grinning face. Afraid? No. He was Sir Guy, a Black Knight, the Sheriff's Lieutenant and Master-at-Arms. There was no way he, of all people, could be afraid of a big... hairy... evil-eyed... sp... sp... spider? Right?

"No, of course not." Guy smiled at his wife, sheepishly. "Don't be silly."  
"Good. Then you won't mind holding Bernard while I go get his cage." She quickly handed Bernard over to Guy, and exited the bedchamber, trying very hard to stifle her giggling.

Guy was completely stiff, staring wide-eyed at the fuzzy, fanged creature now sitting in his hands. Beads of sweat began to pour down his face, his breath was still quick and it felt as if his heart was trying to leap out of his chest. He could swear that Bernard was grinning at him through his big, scary fangs.

Guy bit his lip.

"Why couldn't I have fallen in love with a woman who likes cats?!" He quietly muttered to himself.

**Author's Note:**

> I was practicing onomatopoeia in this one. :) Also, in my headcanon, Guy is afraid of spiders. ;)
> 
> Bernard the spider is © me.


End file.
